How to date a dutch?

Lotte Ditzel | Thursday 26 August 2021

Windmills, tulips and cheese. The Netherlands is known for many things but what about the Dutch women and men? What do they do, where do they live, what are they like? And most importantly, how to date one? If you are clueless about how or where to find that lucky soulmate, no worries. We are here to help you! The Dutch may not be the easiest choice of people to chase. Welcome to the land of logically sensible and romantically realistic folk! Just like you wouldn’t describe yourself as a typical (insert your home country), same goes for the Dutch as well. Apart from some common traits that we can mention with humor, it’s better to keep in mind that your Dutchy is just as unique as you! So, sit back, relax and success with dating the Dutch!

Let’s introduce your Dutch date:

Honesty is the way to go

This one goes for both Dutch men and women: honesty is their policy. Don’t worry if you have something stuck between your teeth after dinner, your date will tell you. This may come as a shock at first, but once you get used to it you quickly realize that ‘hey! This is actually better!’. Who would want to walk around the whole night without anyone mentioning the lipstick on your teeth, right?

The Dutch believe that it is better to be honest rather than misleading someone or create high expectations. Instead, they put their cards openly on the table so that you don’t have to assume anything. So, no mind-games, no drama, no fuss! Any doubt? Just ask!

Keep things casual

Dutch people are casual! If you expect to go to a fancy restaurant as a first date, well, things may not turn out the way you want. Nothing beats a gezellig atmosphere of a traditional Dutch bruin cafe where you can enjoy a pint and some ‘bitterballen’ next to it.

Plus, it is just too much work to try to bike with your high heels and itty bitty dress and who wants to slowly suffocate because of that stupid tie? Keep calm, you got this!

*gezellig = cozy

*bruin cafe = brown bar, a place usually local people hang out

*bitterballen = a meat-based snack, fried and filled with roux and beef stock

Flirting and romance

Like we’ve mentioned before, Dutchies are always pro-honesty and that affects their flirting style as well. That’s why Dutch women and men find it a waste of time to sugar-coat everything and showering everyone with half-fake compliments. So, don’t get discouraged just because your date is not complimenting your every treat. Also don’t wait around for Dutch guys to open doors or carry heavy bags for you, because they usually won’t. They’re not the typical ‘gentlemen’ although in their opinion they are. They just don’t know better. On the other hand, you can totally be yourself with a Dutchie. Dutch people are really easy going and they don’t judge you. 

The same goes for the romantic gestures. Gifts? Instead of popular ideas like a luxurious box of chocolates, you might get something you would use and enjoy more. At the end, everyone can get those cliche gifts but that Kindle he/she just got for you? That shows not only your Dutchie cares for you, but also listens to what you say and knows what you like!

Marriage, mortgage and kids

Okay, this is where things get a little tricky. We are all familiar with the traditional way things go once you’re in a relationship. If you think you’ve found that right person you genuinely like spending time with, first you go steady, then after a couple of years one of you pops the question and then comes the marriage, a mortgage and a kid or two – or so the media says.

When it comes to the Dutch and dating things could go a little differently. Well, for some of them it got really normal to skip all that or do it in a different order. Marriage is seen as a serious commitment by many of them and should not be taken lightly. So you meet someone? Great. The relationship going well? Then let’s move in together and maybe buy a house! Cool. What’s next? How about buying a dog and becoming parents? For Dutch it really became a normal thing to say: “First comes the house, then a pet, then a kid then the marriage. I’m not going to marry someone without making sure that we can spend the rest of our lives together. What if he/she is a bad father/mother?”

No taboos

‘Do you believe in God?’

‘When was the last time you had sex?’

Surprised or maybe a little shocked by these questions? We can only imagine. Freedom and individuality is encouraged in the Netherlands. Your Dutchie is likely to be someone who isn’t afraid to tackle the trickiest subjects pretty early on in the relationship if not on the very first date. The reason? They want to know your opinion on these subjects to evaluate if you two are compatible with each other. That actually makes sense, right? Moreover, they will give their opinion whether or not it is pleasing to you, and are endlessly direct. What the rest of the world considers as rude or too blunt, the Dutch call honesty and being open.

‘Lets go Dutch!’

The Dutch are known for being frugal and this is often seen as something negative, but why? If your Dutchie knows where the best deals are and don’t want to pay extra for something you can find for less, who says that’s ever a bad thing? Also, for a Dutchie it’s pretty normal to split the bill after the first date. There’s a reason they call it ‘Go Dutch’. While some, especially ladies, find it very unusual and even a little rude, the Dutch truly don’t mean to be. Moreover, ages ago the Dutch woman brought this thing up to escape from the traditional ways. Now, years later, Dutch men don’t know whether or not they minify the woman when they insist on paying. So give them a slack! In bigger groups it does even come in quite handy! You just pay for your own food and drinks instead of the expensive dishes from your table companion. So download the Tikkie app and start saving some money. 

Keep up the good work

Dutch is a very difficult language! Dutch people mostly speak multiple languages but they are really aware that the Dutch language is a pretty hard one to learn. Although some might find it impossible to learn and therefore a waste of time to start at it anyway, the Dutch people love it when someone is trying to speak and understand their language and are more than happy to help. They even find it adorable and are not there to correct your every wrong, just say one or two words in Dutch and they will be extremely proud. You don’t have to convince a Dutch, just show them that you try and then you can steal their heart very easily. The risk for dating a Dutchie is that Dutch people speak English very easily so they might right away start off in English and continue doing that for the whole relationship. Although the intention to learn Dutch is there, it might become a habit to speak English. So show your Dutch date that you’re willing to learn and he/she will be very helpful!